Christians Nationwide Disappointed That President Elect Is Not The Last Trump Mentioned In The Bible11/11/2016  Donald Trump playing the Trumpet that may or may not be the Last Trump or one of the Seven Trumpets of Revelation. On November 9, 2016, Donald Trump was elected President of the United States of America. Christians nationwide rejoiced, as Hillary "Antichrist" Clinton was beaten in a seemingly hopeless race. Angels danced on pins when swing states Ohio's and Florida's electoral votes went to the Republican contender. Famous TV evangelists taking I Corinthians out of context hailed the candidate as the Last Trump, to usher in a new age of Christian theocracy or something. 1 Corinthians 15:52 52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.  Artist rendition of the Last Trump that will be used to call out God's people. While winning, the President-Elect did not usher in the Second Coming of Christ as previously predicted. Massive revivals broke out which turned into riots as the news spread of the failure of Trump to herald Jesus Christ. The riots lasted until it was time for lunch, which dissipated into the various buffets. We interviewed one of the rioters, who refused to be named. "I don't know, man. I was really hoping for the Don to blow the last trumpet so we can be raptured. Maybe he isn't actually the Last Trump, but probably one of those seven trumpets in Revelation," he quipped. "That means Trump is probably not a Pretribulational, but a Post-trib or even Midtribulational..." In other news, evangelists say when Mike Pence becomes President, he will pay off the trillions of debt accrued by the federal government and dismantle welfare according to the Synoptic Gospels. Matthew 18:28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. Mark 14:5 For it might have been sold for more than three hundred pence, and have been given to the poor. And they murmured against her. Luke 7:41 There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. Luke 10:35 And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee. BaptistMemes is your source for Independent Fundamental Baptist funnies and satire. This is a parody and does not reflect the organizations or individuals named. All material not owned by BaptistMemes is used under Fair Use.
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Christians are on an uproar today crying that Hurricane Matthews is a sign of the end times. What is the proof?
The end times is nigh? Here are 3 reasons why Hurricane Matthew is a sign of the end.
Coincidental Naming!
Isn't it coincidental that the hurricane was named after Matthew IN THE BIBLE? Wow! Mind-blown! What other names are in the Bible? I don't know.... Mark, Luke, John, David, Samuel, Isaac, Jacob, etc. Basically every common English name we have is from the Bible! I mean, that never happens!
Demonic-Looking Weather News Pictures!
Do you see the resemblance? The resemblance between the newscaster and the grim reaper? Do you?
A little, but the storm sure does look like a skull, too. Bet you didn't notice that. This definitely never happens with storm pictures or clouds or toast or smoke. This is why the storm is a sign of the end. Sketchy Scripture Reference Numerology!
It is October 7, 2016. Hurricane Matthew has made landfall. October 7 is also 10/7. So putting that together, we get Matthew 10:7!
Matthew 10:7 KJV
7 And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Cause that totally means Hurricane Matthews is the sign of the end! Picking out of context verses and matching them up to date numbers!
There you go. Three reasons why Hurricane Matthews is the sign of the end coming soon! Tell your friends!
Editor's Note: If you don't get the satire yet, it's not. Yes, in the last days there shall be wars and rumor of wars... But to single out a single storm? Illogical.
BaptistMemes is your source for Independent Fundamental Baptist funnies and satire. This is a parody and does not reflect the organizations or individuals named. All material not owned by BaptistMemes is used under Fair Use.
The following is not structured well, I will fix that in a future post:
Salvation 1. Old Testament Salvation: Faith in what God said as shown by and resulting in works (Adam to Noah to John the Baptist, as shown by James, Hebrews Hall of Faith resulting in works. It's not faith automatically in the coming Son of God, but what specifically God said to that specific person, which included statements of the coming Son of God. For example, Noah was saved not because he believed specifically on Jesus the Messiah, but he believed God's pronouncement of the Flood, faith, and built an ark, works resulting in faith. Adam simply had to obey ) 2. Before Jesus was on Earth: Faith shown by water baptism of repentance by John the Baptist 3. When Jesus was on Earth: Faith in His physical Person, and water baptism (his disciples baptized) The believing dead on times before this went to Paradise, Abraham's bosom under the Earth (Lazarus and rich man) Jesus' Crucifixion The believing dead on times after this went to the Third Heaven, above the Earth 4. When Jesus resurrected but before the Pauline letters were written: Faith as shown by water baptism of repentance (Acts) 5. TODAY: Pauline letters written until the Rapture: Grace through faith, works need not to be shown, no water baptism needed (Romans and rest of Paul's letters) 6. In the Tribulation: Faith as shown through keeping the commandments and refusing the mark of the Beast (most like the ten commandments, Revelation 12:17 And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ. 22:14 Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city.) 7. During and after the Millennium: Allegiance to the physical Son of God that can be seen. There is no faith in the Millennium or afterwards, as "faith is the substance of things not seen". This only applies to the Gentile nations who are left after the Tribulation. (refer to Old Testament prophecies of the Kingdom and the judgment of Sheep and Goats, a judgment of nations, not the Church) I Corinthians 1:22 For the Jews require a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom: Signs and Miracles and the Word (Wisdom) 1. Old Testament before the Law: God appeared Himself, with all the trappings of miracles (Creation, Flood, plagues, pillar of fire and cloud) 2. Old Testament Israel: God appeared to the High Priest in the temple and prophets did miracles 3. Intermission, Silent Years (Malachi-Matthew): No Biblical records of signs or miracles 4.. Gospels: Jesus showed miracles to Israel, and made exceptions to only two Gentiles (the woman and the centurion) 5.Pentecost: Tongues and other miracles primarily a witness to the Jews 6. Pauline Letters: Tongues and other miracles started to cease, being replaced by the witness of charity/love (I Cor. 13) 7. Once Revelation was written, and the canon set: Wisdom was fully written down 8. TODAY: The entire Bible spreading this current Church age: God's primary mode of showing Himself is through the Word of wisdom. Where the Bible is, it takes precedence over miracles. Once a society is saturated with the Word of God, miracles completely cease. That's one reason why formely "Christian" nations today turn atheistic and secular, once the Bible is plentiful, overt spiritual activity that can be seen ceases, and secularism is a threat. (2 Pet. 1:19) False science tries to replace godly wisdom (1 Tim 6:20) 9. The Rapture, Tribulation, Millennium: Signs and wonders, both holy and devilish, come back in full force primarily for the salvation of Israel, and to turn the Gentile nations into aiding Israel. |
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