Christians Nationwide Disappointed That President Elect Is Not The Last Trump Mentioned In The Bible
On November 9, 2016, Donald Trump was elected President of the United States of America. Christians nationwide rejoiced, as Hillary "Antichrist" Clinton was beaten in a seemingly hopeless race. Angels danced on pins when swing states Ohio's and Florida's electoral votes went to the Republican contender.
Famous TV evangelists taking I Corinthians out of context hailed the candidate as the Last Trump, to usher in a new age of Christian theocracy or something.
1 Corinthians 15:52
52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
While winning, the President-Elect did not usher in the Second Coming of Christ as previously predicted.
Massive revivals broke out which turned into riots as the news spread of the failure of Trump to herald Jesus Christ. The riots lasted until it was time for lunch, which dissipated into the various buffets.
We interviewed one of the rioters, who refused to be named.
"I don't know, man. I was really hoping for the Don to blow the last trumpet so we can be raptured. Maybe he isn't actually the Last Trump, but probably one of those seven trumpets in Revelation," he quipped. "That means Trump is probably not a Pretribulational, but a Post-trib or even Midtribulational..."
In other news, evangelists say when Mike Pence becomes President, he will pay off the trillions of debt accrued by the federal government and dismantle welfare according to the Synoptic Gospels.
But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
For it might have been sold for more than three hundred pence, and have been given to the poor. And they murmured against her.
There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty.
And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.
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